Monday, March 25, 2013

Hair Plugs Need Security Too

How much do you spend when you stay at a swanky hotel? The White House released some numbers recently that give us a peek into how much money our politicians and assorted security, hangers on, groupies and personal drug dealers (they carry the aspirin...what did you think I meant?) spend when they travel overseas. This episode's example: VP Joe Biden.

Back in February Joe took a pair of taxpayer funded trips to Paris and London. He spent $585,000.50 (that's almost a million bucks for the rooms and .50 for tips) in Paris, at a super-swank joint called the Hotel Intercontinental Paris Le Grand. Apparently this hotel was the lowest bidder, as prior to the trip the White House asked other super-swank places to bid for the business. Who says they aren't fiscally responsible?

The money spend on the London trip totaled $489,388.65 (they had to tip more in London). He could only afford the Hyatt Regency at that price. Poor chap. Welcome to the world of the 99%. But with the London accounting, we have more information. Biden's entourage included 136 people! That's six secret service agents, 100 negotiators, translators (Joe can't understand the British), assorted diplomats, and 30 private guards for the nuclear football--if by "nuclear football" you mean "the lock box containing Biden's hair plugs." He has to swap them out every few hours, you know. Going bald sucks. Ask me how I know this.

That's a lot of dough for a diplomatic trip for which we do not know the reason. I'm sure they were doing something important because Biden doesn't do anything that's not important, especially when Barack is playing golf. We can't help but wonder, though, if the prices aren't too high. I appreciate the bidding process, but almost half a million bucks per hotel, super-swank or not? He only stayed in Paris for one night, by the way. Perhaps the money not only covered the stay but other assorted costs. Maybe Biden, good Irishman that he is, drank too much Jameson (good Catholic that he is), thought he was Roger Daltrey and trashed his hotel room. That means the price included replacing the big screen television he threw out the window while shouting "Whooooooooo are you!"

Hopefully there were no underage hookers from the Dominican Republic involved, but you never know....what? Oh, right, that was a made up story. Never mind.

ABOUT: Brian Drake is the author of The Rogue Gentleman and co-host of "Drake & The Deacon" on RadioSlot.Com.

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